Just Stay Away From My Special Lady Friend!

So last week I learned the hard way what "Mandarin Machismo" is just all about. Don't worry. Nothing escalated to violence. The Chinese are way too indirect for that. In fact i have never once seen a fist fight. A lot of yelling yes... but never any physical contact.
So i was out at ze diskotek with two of my work colleagues (Vera and Judy) and wanted to show them a good time drinking a little and dancing a little. They make such little money that they usually never go out and drink. So it was my little attempt at a treat. I had been to this club (called Armani and its conveniently located just a few floors below work!) once before. I had just stopped in to see what all the thumping was about and ended up staying hours drinking with the locals that kept buying me drinks simply on the fact that i was a foreigner trying to speak Chinese. So, I’m there with my two colleagues and same thing happens. After a little time the locals begin to chat me up and the drinks start flowing. This is when the "trouble" started. I was chatting along and then began chatting with their girls. It was completely innocent and it was not even me that started the conversation. I mean, i arrived with two girls so what could be the possible threat. The guys took note of this and the drinking dice games started. They began giving me shots (whiskey and green tea is the preferred mix) left and right whether i won or not. And it was not that jolly, "here, have another drink my "new interesting strange accented friend" kind of cheers either. It was more of a "I’m going to make you wish you never walked in here" kind of toast. I could see it in their eyes. They did not like me... and they were going to kill me with kindness... or in this case, shots of whiskey and green tea. About that time i was trying to very politely excuse myself and get the hell out of there. So what do my friends do of course? What all ladies do... go to the bathroom... together. Thus, leaving me completely alone. This is when they physically forced me to sit down and "join them" as 1-2-3-4-5 more shots where thrust into my hands in a span of 3 minutes.
Now, i have been to college. Ball State no less... voted the #1 party slash drinking school in the district back in '01, thank you very much. So i knew my body. And i knew that in about 10 minutes i was going to be quite sick and in even more pain the next day. My friends returned from the bathroom and i forced myself through them toward the exit and gave my friends the "get me the hell out of here look." I stumbled to the door in an exaggerated fashion so that the good ol' Chinese fellows might feel better about themselves that they "beat the American." I did this consciously as i feared walking too straight might aggravate them enough to keep me there.
Soon as i got outside i pulled the ol' double agent maneuver and stuck my finger down my throat to expel the copious amount of alcohol before it could hit my blood stream. See, secret agents must allow themselves at times to ingest poisons at times or else blow their cover.... then they get the heck outa dodge and try and touch their lower intestine with their index finger. Worked like a charm too! I felt great afterward and probably could have even driven home. I learned it from some spy movie with brad pitt :)
My colleagues even felt so bad for me they walked me home and slept over... score! I learned something else that can happen with a guy and two girls in a movie once.... thanks dad's closet. But alas, i slept in my bedroom and they slept in the spare. hehe
So, lesson learned. Be very careful when talking to the ladies. It does not matter who started it. Their boyfriend will finish it.