Beijing Beijing

I finally made it. I said that I would move here back in 2005 and after 4 years in ningbo I got a job in the nation's capital.

America Fear Not

My roommate (a reasonably intelligent woman with a strong personality and no nonsense attitude) had me slapping my forehead as she asked how to answer a question on an unreasonably long questionnaire pertaining to a new job. (She recently told her last employer to shove it and i was proud of her brass). It seemed to be some kind of personality slash behavior test but for the life of me i could not understand why it was so long. It seemed that she spent 5 hours on it total. The question asked of me was this:

her: "eh, these questions are so hard! I'll never finish this thing.

me: (insert Hero music as i make my entrance) What are they asking?

her: oh, thank god you're here! I need your help on how to answer this as i have no idea! (i may have embellished the first part of this line).

me: sure, what is it my damsel in distress? (This i said verbatim)

her: "7. What is management?" Like what?! How am i supposed to answer that?

me:

me:

me: um, seriously?

end scene

I then patiently shared what i had previously believed to be common sense knowledge of business and management.
Honestly China, education is more than just getting good math and science scores. Where is the critical thinking!? So, for all you Westerners out there worrying.... Sleeping Giant? How about "Sleeping Untaped Workforce"? Just leave the thinking to us little Eastern buddies.
So, to sum up...

West = 1
East = Zilch

Only Less Than Livid

So walking to get a bite to eat today for lunch i saw two early twenties tennie-boppers "henceforth known as bitches" driving a new Ferrari down a tiny "look at me as i can go no faster than 10 mph in my Ferrari" road. They had pasted cartoon dolls on the dashboard to "cuten it up" i suppose. The sight of this made me furious... and i thought i would share.

My Most Educational Date to Date

So, i went on a "date" the other night with a friend i have known since my bar dancer days named 王英（wang ying)... Or her English name Tinkerbell.... Don't ask. Tinkerbell is a nurse and it so happened that she was working the graveyard shift that night and she invited me to come to the hospital, as she would be the only person in her particular area, and would be quite 无聊 wuliao (bored).
As circumstance would have it, I ended up swinging by around midnight and, as promised, the place was deserted. She had a bit of a cold that night and noticing her cough i inquired, "Isn't it bad to be sick at work coughing into all of these tubes you are testing? She gave me a look to suggest, "They are already sick. How am i going to make them sicker? and Yes, but if you get yourself caught up in all these thought experiments you're never going to get any work done." Fair enough, i thought.
Being surrounded by all of this expensive equipment i couldn't help myself from asking to test a bit of it. Tinkerbell laughed as I gazed in amazement into a nearby microscope and asked if i wanted to see my own 血 xue (blood). "Heck yeaaah!", i replied. She pulled out a fresh picking needle and with about 15 times more force than necessary penetrated my finger. "What, are you afraid of a little pain?", she says to me. I grumbled a reply.
That night i learned how to say red and white blood cells. 红血球，白血球(hong xue qiu, bai xue qiu). I love learning new words that consist of words that i already know. It makes Chinese really easy that way. That and i learned how to say homocysteine. Pretty dope.
It was confirmed that my blood type is A+ and i marveled like a school boy to see my own red and white blood cells dancing under the miracle of magnification.
Seeing how pleased i was Tinkerbell offered, "You wanna test your pee-pee?" "Heck yeaaah!", was my reply. Armed with a plastic cup and directions to the bathroom I was giddy at the prospect of what could be learned from my urine. Being surrounded by millions upon millions of dollars of equipment (i know as she told me the price of everything surrounding us) i was a little disappointed to be deemed 100% healthy. I thought, "Can't you find anything wrong with me?" I mean c'mon. Do I seem normal to you? I even got a little print out of all my boringly normal results (completely in Chinese of course). In all though it was a lot of fun and as Tinkerbell's total English lexicon can be counted on one hand I, having no other choice, learned a lot of fun new words.
Leaving that night I thought of how great it is to have a friend who is a nurse. It's a hypochondriac's dream really... Not that i am one.... mom! But then a thought occurred to me. "Oh my God, i totally fell into her trap!" This is probably how she filters men! What better method than microscopes and reactive chemicals to test the dateability of a prospect? You cunning little China nurse you. Tinkerbell... if that really even is your real name.
So i think it only fair now that i should be able to see her nude. I mean, she got to see my intimate inner workings! I myself should at least also be able to see something personal. Right? Right????

Potty Training

So I'm teaching my CK class (5-6 year olds) and we are finishing up the extended version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star when without warning my little boy Luke grabs his crotch, doubles over, and with serious intent says, "My I go to the bafwoomb!?" Now you should know that its dangerous to say yes go bathroom requests before break time. If one student goes then the rest want to hop on the band wagon and pretty soon your lesson plan falls apart because the students have found a new goal. So I usually tell students, "No, 5 minutes okay buddy."
But looking at Luke i could tell that this was no ordinary request. This was an emergency. In this dire situation I couldn't help be proud of the little guy for not breaking into Chinese and asking in English. Immediately I said, "Yes, Yes YES. GO go GO!" ...But he couldn't get up. Doubling over it seemed created the necessary pressure and was the only thing holding it back. "He yelled out “出来了!” chu lai le! Which means It's coming. I retorted. "No Luke NO! Hold on buddy!" I considered picking him up and running with him but he repeated, "CHU LAI LE, CHU LAI LE!" So, I thought better of it. Half doubled over he begins to move as quickly as possible and I'm looking everywhere for the inevitable wet spot, stream, and puddle to follow as i chased him out of the room to aid his way. But it didn't come... Something else did. Upon his exit of the door we all began to smell what chu lai le'ed.
This marks the second occasion in which a student has shat his pants in my class.

Free at Last, Free at Last!

Last month i quite my dancing job at the bar 潮人会所 otherwise known as TNT. In all i lasted 10 weeks which is 8 weeks longer than i thought i would last! Man that was some hardness burning the candle at both ends like that. Not the mention i never ever had any free time. Every night after teaching i would have to leave immediately to go to the club (conveniently located in the same on the floor just below our school). The Chinese don't believe in days off either so its 8 days a week unless you call in sick. It was really wearing me out. Not to mention that the boss made us arrive at 8:30 even though we didn't even dance until 10:45! Such a waste of time. But i tried to remain positive however and use the much needed time to work on me Mandarin. It's a super loud place (oppressively so) and i didn't dare show up without my earplugs. So speaking wasn't always very convenient. Not a problem with my studies really as the Chinese had that wonderfully tricky idea of, "I know, lets make a picture for every single different word. It'll be awesome." So i had plenty to keep me busy.
The only reason i quit in the first place was because summer intensive courses were beginning at my "real" job. Summer intensive is when you have kids all day 3 times a week. Five 45 minute classes and then you still have your regular class at night. It really takes it out of you. You have a lunch break and of course break before your night class but its no longer than a couple of hours which isn't enough time to go anywhere else really or go home to relax. Something had to give and it was the club.
Anywho, i'm really happy for the experience, as exhausting as it was. I Learned a lot about how Chinese businesses are run and what they expect from employees. I met tons of people and it was enjoyable answering all of the same questions of the very curious bar patrons. Yes, i do work here. No, i didn't study dancing at Juilliard. Yes, i moved to China on purpose. Yes, i am American even though i'm not blonde with blue eyes. No, i don't work in foreign trade, No, i don't know why America likes starting wars so much, and Yes, i do like studying Chinese.
I'm not being sarcastic either. It was fun answering all the questions and the great thing about the Chinese is that they typically ask all of the SAME questions so its excellent language practice and you learn how to make your answers better and better. It's a great feeling being able to joke in a language not your own.... and actually make the other laugh.
I got tons of pictures at this place and i'll do my best to get them up on facebook.

70,000

Its been a long time but im finally back. The last blog i remember wanting to write was about my experience here in China during the SiChuan earthquake on May 12th. By comparison our sparsely populated country can hardly fathom a death toll of such magnitude. I thought i would share a bit of the Chinese perspective and some of my own experience while here during that time.

Even thousands of miles away the quake was felt here in Ningbo. My roommate was in a high rise that was evacuated for safety as it swayed under the shock wave. No one at that time knew exactly what had happened of where it came from and when we finally did learn that night we were shocked by the distance (over 1600 km). To give some perspective that like having the epicenter located in Denver and wondering why your building is shaking in Chicago.

Exactly one week after the earthquake the government implemented a 3 day mourning. On the very first day there was to be a 3 minute silence. My co-worker Bree had just so happened to have all of the office over to her place for breakfast (se was previously a chef). On the minute of the silence we went to the window of her high-ish rise apartment. That is when the silence began and the sound of every single individual with a car, motorcycle, or ebike laid on their horns. Even the air raid sirens went off as if they were all in sync. It felt as if it lasted 10 full minutes. When the sirens finally subsided there were tears in all of the Chinese staff's eyes. Many had friends or family that lived in the area and they were worried about their well being. My friend went to the aid of her family only days after and I never heard from here again.

For 3 full days all businesses dealing in entertainment were ordered closed for the mourning. This included everything from roller rinks to bars and even internet sites. Trying to access these sites redirected you to the main page set up for relief efforts and all other facts about the earth quake. Turning on the TV was the same. Furthermore the entire internet was devoid of color. Everything was black and white. It was awe inspiring to see such national attention and cooperation.

Soon after the earthquake emerged the realization of a problem. Thousands of children became orphaned and thousands of parents lost their only child. This is a hurdle for the "one child" policy. The government immediate stated that pardons would be granted for those who had lost their children but its not as if the parents grieving would simple end overnight. Years later if and when the parents choose to "try again" they will have to prove through forms and at least some red tape that they qualify for a "2nd" child. It did very much feel as if the government was doing all it could to make this difficult process as smooth as possible but my heart went out for those parents who would have to be reminded of their lose while filing the necessary paperwork some years from now.

10 weeks later things are normal as ever. I do wish however that i would have been able to volunteer in SiChuan.

Yes, We Felt It!

China was rocked by a 7.8 magnitude earthquake today outside the city called SiChuan which is hundreds of miles from Ningbo and the shockwave made it all the way to the coast. It was also felt as far as Hanoi (Vietnam for you Geography majors) and Bangkok.

Here is a link http://news.sina.com.cn/z/08earthquake/index.shtml

Its all in Chinese but there are pictures and a map. The taller buildings
here in Ningbo were shaken and as a result evacuated for safety. My roomate was in one of them and called me immediately. I was already wondering what
was going on a few blocks away as everyone was outside and pointing up
toward the buildings. I thought there was a jumper or something. I was
shocked when my roommate told me that they too were outside. What is
going one i wondered? I rushed over to the building as quickly as i could because she said it was sinking! And me without my camera! When i arrived i discovered that of course she had meant shaking and not sinking. I had misheard her.
I was riding my bike on the street at the time soi myself felt nothing. The pictures look quite tragic unfortunately and a lot of people were killed or injured, including a school full of 800children... i have heard it burned but i hope its not true.
UPDATE:
Thus far 8,733 dead and indeed a school full of 800 children did collapse. Just terrible!

The Case of the ZZZ's

I have a little problem with misplacing things. Usually its something that most people in 27 years of life would have figured out a simple system for. For me, its keys. I lose them, forget them, misplace them like you wouldn't believe.
So last night i come home very late from my new gig as a club dancer slash promoter slash im always exhausted slash probably not going to last much longer and i find myself at my door. By now its approaching 3am. I had to stay and wait for an hour at work for a meeting. Its a meeting that many communist Chinese have to bear. Its the one where the employer decides that everyone must sign a year contract. Basically there are no workers rights and the contract further enforces this. If you decide you want to quit you can expect to forfeit your months pay and other fun stuff. After this Stalin-esk meeting everyone claps.
I'm exhausted and i'm at my door. Only then do i realize that i have no keys. Thanks be to lithium-ion batteries that keep your making calls way past the point depletion i begrudgingly call my room mate. "yeah its me. I'm outside the door again.... i dont know where they are that's why im still outside... Probably at the club or maybe in my desk at the school. Yeah... yeah i know.... I'll do that....I... I... Is it okay if we continue this conversation inside?"
The door begrudgingly opens and from her look i say, "i know, what would i do without you."
This afternoon i realized something. I go to my coat and i have to let out a laugh as i held my keys in my hand. See, in my exhaustion at the door i had checked my bag full of stinky smoke filled club clothes, my pants, my dancing pants, but it seems i never got my hand in my coat pocket. I need a bell on them or something.