An Assessment of Chinese Cuisine: By Dr. Danner

If you could go to a Chinese restaurant every day, would you? More than likely not. I wouldn’t either. See the trouble though is that I live in CHINA. Therefore all food is a Chinese restaurant. And its not the spiced up Westernized “where is my fortune cookie after a hearty meal” type either. Due to my overwhelming exposure to this Asian cuisine I have me a little theory that I would like to share with you all. The theory is this; In 50 years I will be VERY surprised if China is not the fattest country in the world. Yes, ladies and gentlemen. That would put the good ol’ U.S. of A at a distant second. The reason? Simple. Chinese cuisine is the fattest thing I have come across to date. When I want to take a break and eat healthy I go to McDonalds! For serious.
Every single dish is smothered in so much oil it makes fossil fuels jealous. They don’t cut the fat off their meat at they fry all of their veggies. I mean all. They fry them to the point they really have no nutritional value. I even saw a dish last month that was deep friend fat. DEEP FRIED FAT! On purpose! It was an actual dish!
Now you may be thinking the obvious right now. “But Beau, I don’t ever see fat Chinese people!” True. However, I have a retort for that as well. The food is indeed terribly unhealthy. However Chinese people can not yet afford to buy MORE of it. So in a sense they are just skinny by default.
I have been trying my absolute best to eat better the past week, especially after beginning to see the effects it has been having on me. I’ve Been buying a lot of fresh fruit and avoiding oils at all costs. I even learned the Chinese word for MSG so that I can try to be sure to avoid it when possible. I have literally been sick (a cold) for 2 straight months now. Coughing and hacking everywhere. I think its totally disgusting when men and women alike hawk luggies anywhere they please (including on the street, inside restaurants, or even in a building perhaps in the elevator.) At first I thought it was just ridiculous to be so inconsiderate. What the hell makes you have to spit so much!? Well, my friends the reason is simple. It is not learned social norms or even genetics. Its simply the food… Cause now even I spit everywhere because the build up of flem overwhelms my throat to the point it can only be expelled.
When I visited Singapore back in 2000 (before I knew jack crack about anything remotely Asian) I thought it was a bit over the top to post signs such as, No Smoking, No Chewing Gum, and No Spitting. I thought, “damn, that’s strict.” Uh, no. It was just colonized by Chinese people and they knew that if they were going to keep people from slipping all over the street on their little saliva coated island they had best make a rule.
I even have a discount card at Micky D’s. I know…I’m embarrassed too.