Just A White Man in China

Beijing Beijing

2011-02-15T13:01:00.001+08:00

I finally made it. I said that I would move here back in 2005 and after 4 years in ningbo I got a job in the nation's capital.

America Fear Not

2009-04-11T22:11:00.000+08:00

My roommate (a reasonably intelligent woman with a strong personality and no nonsense attitude) had me slapping my forehead as she asked how to answer a question on an unreasonably long questionnaire pertaining to a new job. (She recently told her last employer to shove it and i was proud of her brass). It seemed to be some kind of personality slash behavior test but for the life of me i could not understand why it was so long. It seemed that she spent 5 hours on it total. The question asked of me was this:

her: "eh, these questions are so hard! I'll never finish this thing.

me: (insert Hero music as i make my entrance) What are they asking?

her: oh, thank god you're here! I need your help on how to answer this as i have no idea! (i may have embellished the first part of this line).

me: sure, what is it my damsel in distress? (This i said verbatim)

her: "7. What is management?" Like what?! How am i supposed to answer that?

me:

me:

me: um, seriously?

end scene

I then patiently shared what i had previously believed to be common sense knowledge of business and management.
Honestly China, education is more than just getting good math and science scores. Where is the critical thinking!? So, for all you Westerners out there worrying.... Sleeping Giant? How about "Sleeping Untaped Workforce"? Just leave the thinking to us little Eastern buddies.
So, to sum up...

West = 1
East = Zilch

Only Less Than Livid

2009-04-11T22:06:00.000+08:00

So walking to get a bite to eat today for lunch i saw two early twenties tennie-boppers "henceforth known as bitches" driving a new Ferrari down a tiny "look at me as i can go no faster than 10 mph in my Ferrari" road. They had pasted cartoon dolls on the dashboard to "cuten it up" i suppose. The sight of this made me furious... and i thought i would share.

My Most Educational Date to Date

2009-02-16T16:16:00.000+08:00

So, i went on a "date" the other night with a friend i have known since my bar dancer days named 王英（wang ying)... Or her English name Tinkerbell.... Don't ask. Tinkerbell is a nurse and it so happened that she was working the graveyard shift that night and she invited me to come to the hospital, as she would be the only person in her particular area, and would be quite 无聊 wuliao (bored).
As circumstance would have it, I ended up swinging by around midnight and, as promised, the place was deserted. She had a bit of a cold that night and noticing her cough i inquired, "Isn't it bad to be sick at work coughing into all of these tubes you are testing? She gave me a look to suggest, "They are already sick. How am i going to make them sicker? and Yes, but if you get yourself caught up in all these thought experiments you're never going to get any work done." Fair enough, i thought.
Being surrounded by all of this expensive equipment i couldn't help myself from asking to test a bit of it. Tinkerbell laughed as I gazed in amazement into a nearby microscope and asked if i wanted to see my own 血 xue (blood). "Heck yeaaah!", i replied. She pulled out a fresh picking needle and with about 15 times more force than necessary penetrated my finger. "What, are you afraid of a little pain?", she says to me. I grumbled a reply.
That night i learned how to say red and white blood cells. 红血球，白血球(hong xue qiu, bai xue qiu). I love learning new words that consist of words that i already know. It makes Chinese really easy that way. That and i learned how to say homocysteine. Pretty dope.
It was confirmed that my blood type is A+ and i marveled like a school boy to see my own red and white blood cells dancing under the miracle of magnification.
Seeing how pleased i was Tinkerbell offered, "You wanna test your pee-pee?" "Heck yeaaah!", was my reply. Armed with a plastic cup and directions to the bathroom I was giddy at the prospect of what could be learned from my urine. Being surrounded by millions upon millions of dollars of equipment (i know as she told me the price of everything surrounding us) i was a little disappointed to be deemed 100% healthy. I thought, "Can't you find anything wrong with me?" I mean c'mon. Do I seem normal to you? I even got a little print out of all my boringly normal results (completely in Chinese of course). In all though it was a lot of fun and as Tinkerbell's total English lexicon can be counted on one hand I, having no other choice, learned a lot of fun new words.
Leaving that night I thought of how great it is to have a friend who is a nurse. It's a hypochondriac's dream really... Not that i am one.... mom! But then a thought occurred to me. "Oh my God, i totally fell into her trap!" This is probably how she filters men! What better method than microscopes and reactive chemicals to test the dateability of a prospect? You cunning little China nurse you. Tinkerbell... if that really even is your real name.
So i think it only fair now that i should be able to see her nude. I mean, she got to see my intimate inner workings! I myself should at least also be able to see something personal. Right? Right????

Potty Training

2009-02-10T15:51:00.000+08:00

So I'm teaching my CK class (5-6 year olds) and we are finishing up the extended version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star when without warning my little boy Luke grabs his crotch, doubles over, and with serious intent says, "My I go to the bafwoomb!?" Now you should know that its dangerous to say yes go bathroom requests before break time. If one student goes then the rest want to hop on the band wagon and pretty soon your lesson plan falls apart because the students have found a new goal. So I usually tell students, "No, 5 minutes okay buddy."
But looking at Luke i could tell that this was no ordinary request. This was an emergency. In this dire situation I couldn't help be proud of the little guy for not breaking into Chinese and asking in English. Immediately I said, "Yes, Yes YES. GO go GO!" ...But he couldn't get up. Doubling over it seemed created the necessary pressure and was the only thing holding it back. "He yelled out “出来了!” chu lai le! Which means It's coming. I retorted. "No Luke NO! Hold on buddy!" I considered picking him up and running with him but he repeated, "CHU LAI LE, CHU LAI LE!" So, I thought better of it. Half doubled over he begins to move as quickly as possible and I'm looking everywhere for the inevitable wet spot, stream, and puddle to follow as i chased him out of the room to aid his way. But it didn't come... Something else did. Upon his exit of the door we all began to smell what chu lai le'ed.
This marks the second occasion in which a student has shat his pants in my class.

Free at Last, Free at Last!

2008-07-29T16:13:00.000+08:00

Last month i quite my dancing job at the bar 潮人会所 otherwise known as TNT. In all i lasted 10 weeks which is 8 weeks longer than i thought i would last! Man that was some hardness burning the candle at both ends like that. Not the mention i never ever had any free time. Every night after teaching i would have to leave immediately to go to the club (conveniently located in the same on the floor just below our school). The Chinese don't believe in days off either so its 8 days a week unless you call in sick. It was really wearing me out. Not to mention that the boss made us arrive at 8:30 even though we didn't even dance until 10:45! Such a waste of time. But i tried to remain positive however and use the much needed time to work on me Mandarin. It's a super loud place (oppressively so) and i didn't dare show up without my earplugs. So speaking wasn't always very convenient. Not a problem with my studies really as the Chinese had that wonderfully tricky idea of, "I know, lets make a picture for every single different word. It'll be awesome." So i had plenty to keep me busy.
The only reason i quit in the first place was because summer intensive courses were beginning at my "real" job. Summer intensive is when you have kids all day 3 times a week. Five 45 minute classes and then you still have your regular class at night. It really takes it out of you. You have a lunch break and of course break before your night class but its no longer than a couple of hours which isn't enough time to go anywhere else really or go home to relax. Something had to give and it was the club.
Anywho, i'm really happy for the experience, as exhausting as it was. I Learned a lot about how Chinese businesses are run and what they expect from employees. I met tons of people and it was enjoyable answering all of the same questions of the very curious bar patrons. Yes, i do work here. No, i didn't study dancing at Juilliard. Yes, i moved to China on purpose. Yes, i am American even though i'm not blonde with blue eyes. No, i don't work in foreign trade, No, i don't know why America likes starting wars so much, and Yes, i do like studying Chinese.
I'm not being sarcastic either. It was fun answering all the questions and the great thing about the Chinese is that they typically ask all of the SAME questions so its excellent language practice and you learn how to make your answers better and better. It's a great feeling being able to joke in a language not your own.... and actually make the other laugh.
I got tons of pictures at this place and i'll do my best to get them up on facebook.

70,000

2008-07-29T15:21:00.000+08:00

Its been a long time but im finally back. The last blog i remember wanting to write was about my experience here in China during the SiChuan earthquake on May 12th. By comparison our sparsely populated country can hardly fathom a death toll of such magnitude. I thought i would share a bit of the Chinese perspective and some of my own experience while here during that time.

Even thousands of miles away the quake was felt here in Ningbo. My roommate was in a high rise that was evacuated for safety as it swayed under the shock wave. No one at that time knew exactly what had happened of where it came from and when we finally did learn that night we were shocked by the distance (over 1600 km). To give some perspective that like having the epicenter located in Denver and wondering why your building is shaking in Chicago.

Exactly one week after the earthquake the government implemented a 3 day mourning. On the very first day there was to be a 3 minute silence. My co-worker Bree had just so happened to have all of the office over to her place for breakfast (se was previously a chef). On the minute of the silence we went to the window of her high-ish rise apartment. That is when the silence began and the sound of every single individual with a car, motorcycle, or ebike laid on their horns. Even the air raid sirens went off as if they were all in sync. It felt as if it lasted 10 full minutes. When the sirens finally subsided there were tears in all of the Chinese staff's eyes. Many had friends or family that lived in the area and they were worried about their well being. My friend went to the aid of her family only days after and I never heard from here again.

For 3 full days all businesses dealing in entertainment were ordered closed for the mourning. This included everything from roller rinks to bars and even internet sites. Trying to access these sites redirected you to the main page set up for relief efforts and all other facts about the earth quake. Turning on the TV was the same. Furthermore the entire internet was devoid of color. Everything was black and white. It was awe inspiring to see such national attention and cooperation.

Soon after the earthquake emerged the realization of a problem. Thousands of children became orphaned and thousands of parents lost their only child. This is a hurdle for the "one child" policy. The government immediate stated that pardons would be granted for those who had lost their children but its not as if the parents grieving would simple end overnight. Years later if and when the parents choose to "try again" they will have to prove through forms and at least some red tape that they qualify for a "2nd" child. It did very much feel as if the government was doing all it could to make this difficult process as smooth as possible but my heart went out for those parents who would have to be reminded of their lose while filing the necessary paperwork some years from now.

10 weeks later things are normal as ever. I do wish however that i would have been able to volunteer in SiChuan.

Yes, We Felt It!

2008-05-13T02:49:00.000+08:00

China was rocked by a 7.8 magnitude earthquake today outside the city called SiChuan which is hundreds of miles from Ningbo and the shockwave made it all the way to the coast. It was also felt as far as Hanoi (Vietnam for you Geography majors) and Bangkok.

Here is a link http://news.sina.com.cn/z/08earthquake/index.shtml

Its all in Chinese but there are pictures and a map. The taller buildings
here in Ningbo were shaken and as a result evacuated for safety. My roomate was in one of them and called me immediately. I was already wondering what
was going on a few blocks away as everyone was outside and pointing up
toward the buildings. I thought there was a jumper or something. I was
shocked when my roommate told me that they too were outside. What is
going one i wondered? I rushed over to the building as quickly as i could because she said it was sinking! And me without my camera! When i arrived i discovered that of course she had meant shaking and not sinking. I had misheard her.
I was riding my bike on the street at the time soi myself felt nothing. The pictures look quite tragic unfortunately and a lot of people were killed or injured, including a school full of 800children... i have heard it burned but i hope its not true.
UPDATE:
Thus far 8,733 dead and indeed a school full of 800 children did collapse. Just terrible!

The Case of the ZZZ's

2008-04-17T13:36:00.000+08:00

I have a little problem with misplacing things. Usually its something that most people in 27 years of life would have figured out a simple system for. For me, its keys. I lose them, forget them, misplace them like you wouldn't believe.
So last night i come home very late from my new gig as a club dancer slash promoter slash im always exhausted slash probably not going to last much longer and i find myself at my door. By now its approaching 3am. I had to stay and wait for an hour at work for a meeting. Its a meeting that many communist Chinese have to bear. Its the one where the employer decides that everyone must sign a year contract. Basically there are no workers rights and the contract further enforces this. If you decide you want to quit you can expect to forfeit your months pay and other fun stuff. After this Stalin-esk meeting everyone claps.
I'm exhausted and i'm at my door. Only then do i realize that i have no keys. Thanks be to lithium-ion batteries that keep your making calls way past the point depletion i begrudgingly call my room mate. "yeah its me. I'm outside the door again.... i dont know where they are that's why im still outside... Probably at the club or maybe in my desk at the school. Yeah... yeah i know.... I'll do that....I... I... Is it okay if we continue this conversation inside?"
The door begrudgingly opens and from her look i say, "i know, what would i do without you."
This afternoon i realized something. I go to my coat and i have to let out a laugh as i held my keys in my hand. See, in my exhaustion at the door i had checked my bag full of stinky smoke filled club clothes, my pants, my dancing pants, but it seems i never got my hand in my coat pocket. I need a bell on them or something.

My First Interview... In Chinese

2008-04-14T14:23:00.000+08:00

A recent opportunity as fallen in my lap. Through the miracle of text messaging an acquaintance that is quickly becoming a friend wanted me to come in for an interview. It was completely random how it all happened and i'll skip all the details and get to the point. What's the job? We'll get to that later. The point of this blog is just for me to boast a bit because im really proud of myself.
I was introduced to the owner of a club... his English name is Buddy. I don't know much about him or how he got to where he is but he seems to be unusually successful. He is near exactly my age and already owns and hand full of clubs. This particular one i was interviewing at is a cash cow. At 8:30 its half packed and at 9 you might not get a seat.
I had no idea what to expect from this interview. Joey (the one who introduced me to the job) coached me a bit on a few things. Mainly salary and DON'T sign anything. That was it. She presided over the interview for translation sake.... but as it turned out i didn't need any. I did an entire interview in only Mandarin Chinese and i think that is so dope! I even joked around a bit and was able to actually show a bit of my personality.... something that is usually lost when i speak Chinese.
In short, he agreed to my salary (without much fuss... should i have asked for more?) and i was to start the very next night. "Doing what", you ask?
Read on...

My First Night...

2008-04-14T13:36:00.000+08:00

... as a bar dancer. It has to be the strangest job that i have ever had. Well.... working for a Chinese owner helps that. See, the thing is i have to be there at 8:30 to clock in. But we don't even dance until around 10:45. So, what does one do with all that extra time? I inquired about this to Joey (the girl that got me the job) but the best and only answer was because "this is China."
So after sitting and doing near nothing for thirty minutes Joey turns to me and says, "i'm going to wash my hair. Do you wanna come?" I thought this was a bit strange. Surely she meant at the bar and not a hair salon. Didn't we just clock in? I mean, how could we just leave? Easy, as it turns out. She turned to the manager and said, "we're going to go get our hair washed, okay?" "sure," he replies. And then we left!
So we walk across the street to the salon (which is of course still open because its huge business in china and they don't seem to close any earlier than midnight) and i'm getting an uneasy feeling. See, being from the west when you first start a job you bring a professional attitude and for sure try to stay under the radar until you learn the ropes. Its not for a few weeks until you learn when and where you can slack off a bit. But here i am on my very first day leaving to go get a scalp treatment!
"Are you sure this is okay?" in inquire. "Oh yeah," she says. "It is just so boring in there and you looked really bored too so i wanted to get you out of there! Besides, we already clocked in." "Riiiiiiiiiight." was about all i could manage to say.
Now for those of you who have not experienced a Chinese hair salon its quite a trip. First off, a hair wash is not just a hair wash. Its a deluxe treatment complete with head, shoulder, and arm massage, q-tip ear cleaning, wash, rinse, dry, style, and a friendly conversation that consists mostly of, "wow, your chinese is so good." in reply to your telling them no thanks i dont want a hair cut. All of this for a maximum of 3 USD.
So then we go back to the club wait some more and only then is it time to do what i am being paid for.
The instructions were simple. A security guard and the other male dancer guided me to one of the platforms explaining over the music along the way. I was going to be number 3. When the second dancer is going at a different part of the club i am on standby. When they finish, step on the stage thingy. The dancing platform will rise. Once the light hits you, go. We did 2 sets and were done. bada-bing. just like that. I'm supposed to do 3 sets but they let me go early so i can get home and sleep for me real job... a teacher. Now since i technically only "work" for 15 minutes you would think this job is too good to be true.... especially i you knew how much was being paid. But its really exhausting. The waiting, the constant noise from the music (i bring ear plugs now), NO one speaks to me in English (a good challenge), and the smoke is unbelievable. Chinese people love nothing more than to smoke and the filtration system for that thing i love called oxygen isn't exactly to western standards. But i have to try hard and do my best to make this work. Why? Because this job doubles my salary. Believe it or not i'm paid as much as a teacher to shake my ass.

Juuuust a Bit Outside

2007-12-19T20:15:00.000+08:00

Two nights ago i made the shot of my life playing pool. Unfortunately, it had nothing to do with any skill whatsoever as anyone who is anyone knows that i suck beyond all imagination. I hate pool for the same reason i hate basketball... I'm simply terrible. If fact my roommate in college (Ed Rice) loved playing pool and tried to introduce me to the game for a bit of bonding... However, after just one game he said, "hey uhh... I'm gonna go see if any of those guys want to try a game." It hurt my feelings a bit but he was right to do so as a complete stranger has a 92.7% chance of being better than me and he simply wanted a bit of competition. However, two nights ago the day was mine!
I was lining up my shot for the side pocket. I was using 94% of my brains computing power. If i could i would use more but its all i can manage as the other 6% is reserved for running the bodies vital functions. My buddy Shannon standing at the table waiting for his turn was making the "hurry up, your just going to miss anyways" face. Just at that precise moment a more than reasonably attractive woman walked by to leave the bar and Shannon does the owl head watch her go. Just then, as she was leaving, she returns his eye contact and he initiates the " how you doin' look. Oblivious to this, I wind up for my pitch and slam the cue ball. The cue ball not only goes past the intended number 3, it goes over it, over the hole, over the table itself, and nails Shannon right in the pecker mid sentence of "how you... *%$*!"
I'm sure one day he will look back and laugh at that. I know i did :)

Shipping News

2007-12-14T13:20:00.000+08:00

Simply put, you can't.
What on earth is Beau talking about? Allow me to elaborate.
Recently, as it is Christmas time, i had the experience of mailing a package back home to the fam. Now anyone who is anyone knows that if you are mailing something over seas you had best pack the shit out of it so ensure that its not complete junk by the time it arrives. What is the cheapest and easiest thing to use to insulate and ensure your goods? Newspaper of course. Oh but the plot thickens as witnessed by myself.
So I'm at the post office and who do i run into but my colleague Bree. It's a small town so no surprises there. Now luckily (for me not for her) she had arrived before me and thus i got to sit back and watch and learn from her mistakes. You should know that in China you can not simply just walk into a post office and have your package weighed and shipped off. You have to have it inspected and you and a post worker pack it together. Rather you hand them the items and they pack it for you. Now that might sound a little intrusive but then again they don't have any anthrax or letter bomb problems now do they? And in fact is really informal and for the most part you get your package packed for free. (another benefit to overpopulation.) Plus, they do a really good job stuffing it all together to assure its safe arrival. Good thing too because packages from my family have arrived seemingly trampled by elephants and if it weren't for my wonderful mothers diligence in packing ability then the complete seasons collection of Entourage would be forever destroyed having only to wait until next Christmas.
So, Bree had just finished the entire packing process and was ready to rush off to work when her day got very bad. She stood in utter bewilderment as they took a knife and undid the near vacuum sealed tape job of a half hour's worth of packing. Being that her Mandarin is what it is, I helped. In a few words exchanged with the employees they had just realized that she was of course going to send this package overseas. Now Bree packed everything inside with newspapers from mainland China. As it turns out this is a no no. You cant send Chinese news in any shape or form out of the country. This could be politically unsettling i guess? Everything inside her package was stuffed to the brim with the wonderful language that is Chinese. Even the boxes inside the boxes containing tea sets had extra reinforcement of PRC newspaper goodness. The entire box containing all of her gifts to her family simply had to be redone. Ouch indeed.
China is still painstakingly learning that it is okay to not have to micromanage every little thing. Very slowly but learning all the same. So, they day that i can walk into the post office and use PRC newspaper as my stuffing will be a very good day indeed.

The Benefits of Overpopulation?

2007-12-14T12:45:00.000+08:00

Are there any? As a matter of fact there are. One, you never have to call a company and listen to a god awful computer that is supposed to expedite your "customer service experience." They have plenty of people who need jobs so getting a computer to do it would not make much sense. Besides, people hate those things. So you get to talk to a human being every time. Two, if you are having Internet problems you don't have to worry about troubleshooting over the phone with a very polite but very thick accented Indian named Steve. You simply call the Internet company and a man comes over to sort it out. My record is his arrival 20 minutes after i had hung up the phone.
Now number three is my latest experience. My roommate had brought home some coupons for free milk. Pretty sweet considering i go through milk in, not cartons, but buckets a week... I make a lot of shakes... protein shakes... but that is another blog.
So i ask,
"Do i just present these coupons when I go to buy milk and they give me extra?"
No
"Do we we have to buy milk, cut out the proof of purchase, and after we have accumulated 67 mail off the coupons and wait 6 to 8 weeks for them to be mailed to us?
No
"Do we call and they are delivered?"
YES

This is my favorite method of service by the way. You don't get much more convenient than buying something or getting something serviced than answering the door in your PJ's and continuing to watch terrible television shows as they fix whatever they came to fix or deliver whatever you desire.
So the next day a woman knocks on the door holding a large bag of lunchbox sized milk cartons all for my drinking desire. Even better it was COD (as in Coupon on Delivery) .. no hassle at all.
How could you not love this country?

There Is No Such Thing As A Free Lunch...

2007-12-14T12:17:00.000+08:00

... Unless of course you are a foreigner living in China. Yessiree, I have tapped into something quite special. Living in Ningbo has a lot of advantages. Sure, its not the glamorous Shanghai or the bustling Beijing but it has its charm. One, the air is super clean here and if you have ever lived in a developing countries' city which uses coal as its source of electricity than you know what I'm talking about! Two, the people. They are generally very friendly and curious of foreigners. Of course this city is developing fast (quite literally right in front of my eyes) and there are more foreigners every month but we are still a curiosity to them. For the most part if there is a foreigner here than he (usually he) is here for business and business only. Therefore they speak little to no Chinese at all. This fact makes my curiosity factor jump ten fold.
So, the other day i was with my colleague Bree and we was a gettin hungry. Tired of the same old things she suggested some awesome street food that she had had the other day. This sandwich had the meat cooked just like a Gyro. Then it is diced finely and mixed with finely diced cucumber, spicy chili sauce, and stuffed into a thick type of pita bread. Its absolute greasy goodness and a bargain at 5 kuai a sandwich (just over 65 cents).
While the guy is making the sandwich he strikes up conversation. In a limited capacity its exciting that i can actually do this now... in Mandarin. We talk a bit about the east and the west, the differences between Chinese and Western culture, Chinese money and American money, how i like it here, and what i think of Chinese people. Now talking about all this might sound sophisticated but you have to remember that almost every Chinese person is curious about this and thus i get asked these same exact questions quite often. So i have a lot of practice with these topics.
Anywho, we finish talking and he hands me my sandwich. When i go to hand him the money for it he pushes it away insisting that it was his treat! How cool is that!? It was so nice to be able to speak to a foreigner about a foreigner's perspective in his own language that he felt that he should give me the sandwich for free! My colleague was also astonished. See? Speaking Mandarin really does open a lot of doors. And a free lunch is just the beginning for yours truly.

A Five Year Olds' View On Relationships

2007-12-14T12:06:00.000+08:00

Many things cross my mind when I think about relationships in China. For one, their television depiction of them (many times from the Ming Dynasty- which was the last dynasty) is difficult to even sit through. Even if you do understand what they are saying it’s asininely melodramatic. The shows taking place in modern times are even worse. The acting is just awful and for some reason the girl and or the boy are always dying in the hospital from minor injuries. In the US there are plenty of shows that are terrible and don’t even get me started with “reality” TV but these take the cake.
So, I’m teaching my little guys (3-5 years old) and I’m passing out their coloring books for coloring time. One of the things we do is to hand them the book and say, “Here you are.” So that we can evoke the response… hopefully in English “thank you.” On this particular day I handed the book off to one of my tiniest sweeties and my “Here you are” was followed with “Thank you, 老公 (which is pronounced Laogong) "Laogong?" i thought? She giggled and ran off with her coloring book eager to color the word of the day which was toothbrush. A vocabulary word that very unfortunately many small children here in China can not relate to. But that is another blog. A bit puzzled by this and thinking that I heard something wrong I handed off another book to another tiny tot and again was responded to with “Thank you, Laogong.” I looked up to my TA (teachers assistant) with the look of “did I hear that right” and she looked at me and said, “Yes, she called you husband.” Immediately I thought to myself that that was one of the cutest things in the world and immediately give my little student a big smiling hug and said think you! (because you can actually hug your students in this country without the ridiculous assumption that you are some kind of pederast.)
After class my TA had come to me with a smile. Indeed it was cute that a little 4 year old said, “thank you, husband.” She said lately she had been hearing it more and more in the kindergartens and they must be picking it up from the melodramas on TV. Wherever they picked it up from it was precious and thus makes my blog.

Yang Shuo

2007-11-02T12:34:00.000+08:00

Well, you know that you it has been too long since your last blog update when you can't remember your username and password! haha

So here i am and im sorry for the delay (mom). There is so much to write about these last two months that my only regret is i didn't do it earlier because most of it has been forgotten.

Yang Shuo!

Okay, for those of you that do not know Yang Shuo is home to some of the most beautiful mountains in the world. The anomaly that created these mountains is original not only to china but the world as a whole. No where else have mountains formed with such a peculiar shape.

I was told that (millions?) of years ago the entire area was submerged in water. Over the course of history the waxing and waning of the formation of the icecaps caused the sea levels around the world to drop to what we see today. Thus the icecaps drained the area of its water and in doing so carved out the rock.

Yang Shuo is a small town that has no train station. It can only be reach by bus from Guilin which is only an hour away. Guilin is in the Guangxi provence which is in the South of China west of Hong Kong. From Ningbo to Guilin is a 23 hour train ride! I can honestly say that i have never been on a train so long in my life. And to tell you the truth it wasn't half bad at all! I was with my friends and colleagues Scott and Shannon and we boarded the train at 6:30 in the a.m. We had food, cards, Mandarin study material, and got a couple beers at every stop along the way... well, not EVERY stop. After this experience i feel that i truly could handle the 53 hour train to Tibet. A trip that i will definitely make in the future.

Knowing that you are going to be on a train for so long you just kind of mentally prepare for it. I have been on 12 hour train rides that we excruciating compared to this one. Travel on trains in China works one of four ways. You have hard seats, soft seats, hard sleepers, and soft sleepers. If you are really unlucky (or purchased your ticket late enough that the train is already full) then you can buy a standing only ticket. Hard seats are the cheapest and the worst way to travel. The lower end of Chinese travelers purchase these tickets and they are notorious for smoking (sometimes next to the 'no smoking signs' ) throwing all amounts of trash everywhere and even spitting... not out the window but directly onto the floor of the train. I wont even begin to discuss the bathrooms.

Soft seats are more expensive, less packed with people and generally the people are 'better' travelers. Then there are the sleepers sold only for overnight long distance trips. Hard sleepers have 6 bunks stacked 3 on each side. The lower bunk is the most expensive because you have enough head room to just sit if you like and a small table for drinks and cards. The top bunk is so close to the ceiling that it is no even funny. I have not had the experience yet of Soft sleepers (the most luxurious of travel means by train in china) but i hear that there are only 4 bunks per compartment and you have a door.

The first thing i have to say about Yang Shuo is how wonderful the people are. People in Ningbo
are very friendly but they are even more accustomed to foreigners down there. I think it has something to do with its relative proximity to Hong Kong. Here in Ningbo people will shout out 'hello' but its more of a cat call. Conversely, in Yang Shuo when they say hello they look you in the eye and from the tone of there voice you can actually here not just 'hello' but 'how do you do?' It was a welcome change.

There were tourists from all over the world during our visit. It was also during National Holiday so there were many Chinese tourists as well. I love seeing Chinese tourists because the tourism industry in China is still quite new. Only now is it becoming more and more common for people to use their disposable income for a vacation. They are just as excited to be there as we are and they too had very friendly hello's as we past each other on our rented bikes. In fact, when asking many native Chinese people where they would like to travel if they had the means a great number of them don't say a popular destination overseas. Many of them say that they want to go to all the beautiful places in their own country. And that was what i was witnessing in Yang Shuo. Foreign and native tourists alike all enjoying the beauty that surrounded them.

I have a decent camera (canon G9) but it could not come close to capturing scenery around me. If ever i needed a wide angle lens it was here. I will be sure to post the bulk of my pictures on facebook so be on the look out for that. I'll post the link (here) when i have it up.

Writing this now i am feeling a great longing for this town. It has a charm and energy that is truly serene. Obviously other foreigners felt as i do. I saw quite a few just working in the bars there! They actually got jobs so that they could work and stay legally long term so that they could some how perpetually extend their experience there. It must come at a great sacrifice too, at least financially. Working in a bar there can not possibly yield more than 2 to 300 USD per month.

The food in Yang Shou is divine! They had it all, from western style breakfast to Thai cuisine. To get a good breakfast in Ningbo... well, i only know of one place. It's an Irish pub and not only is it expensive its only so-so. Every place had eggs, omelets, sausage and crepe pancakes in 10 different flavers. Oh, and did i mention it only costs a paltry 3 USD? And that included coffee. Needless to say we ate our faces off down there.

This is Manny. We had rented bikes in town and stumbled upon his business outside of town. We had the perfect afternoon there. The upper level of this eatery (that he and his cousin built themselves) was completely open save for the roof and offered good food, coffee, the always enjoyable beer, and an astonishing view. Manual (here on the left) was a really interesting guy. We spoke to him for hours and his English (like most in this small town) was astonishingly good! I mean just look at his restaurants sign? How many Chinese people do you know that live in rural areas are familiar with The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy!? I have a video of Manny speaking about himself and his family. His English sounds a lot like the cadence of Bruce Lee. It was really cool. If i remember correctly he said that he spoke 7 other dialects and even he himself said that Mandarin was quite difficult. haha, so you know your in trouble when Chinese people say that Mandarin Chinese is hard. He also said that his family had been on this plot of land for 700 years. I could not even begin to fathom that! Long before the mass colonization that would come to be known as America the Tao family was working the land at this exact location.

In conclusion i will have to say that this trip to Yang Shuo completely changed my view of the Chinese. I got to meet and see so many different people and all of them nationally Chinese. Everyone was so kind and laid back and their English down there was just embarrassingly good. Quickly i will add that while we were sitting and enjoying a western style breakfast we were approached by a woman who asked if we would like her to be our guide. We responded that we were not interested in paying for a guide as we just wanted to rent some bikes and get lost around the town to which she replied verbatim, "Wow, Are you kidding me?" We were astonished at not only her pronunciation but one never hears such colloquialisms here in China BY the Chinese people in English. You would think that ALL of them had lived abroad for at least a few years because their English had such a wonderful rhythm and cadence. Most Chinese speaking English sound... Well, as we sound trying to speak their language.... like robots.

I can't wait to go back.

Home for a Hurricane

2007-09-18T13:19:00.000+08:00

So class was cancelled today because of a 台风。That's a hurricane for all you non-chinese readers. It's been raining non-stop since yesterday and apparently winds are supposed to reach 100 km/h, which is kinda fast. So i thought i would take this opportunity whilst hunkered down in my bunker slash apartment to make a blog entry. It's one i have been meaning to make for a month that was inspired by a dream i had.
The details have gotten a bit fuzzy over the last month but i remember the main point. In this dream i had somehow come into contact with a girl i had dated briefly in high school. I must have been back visiting from China to have come into contact with her. In this dream the girl tells me that she is pregnant. Pregnancy has had a shift in my mind in my late twenty's. No longer do i have the instant flash feeling of, "oh god my life is over and my parents are going to kill me!" Instead i just have the feeling of, "oh god my life is over.” 呵呵 (for all you non-chinese readers that means hehe).
Naturally i did not want to be with this woman nor did i want to have a child with her. I felt a deep disappointment that i would not be able to return to China to continue my adventures and study of the language. In fact, "deep disappointment" is a bit of an understatement. I was devastated and wanted badly out of the situation. I decided that i had made a mistake somewhere in life and i wanted badly to turn back time. I began to concentrate on the exact point, place, and time where i wanted to be. Fierce concentration overtook me and i dove deep into my brain. Amazingly, the world around me began to change, morph, and shift to my desire. I looked up. I had done it! I had bent the space time continuum just like Masi Oka in the TV show Heroes! This immense pleasure was immediately squandered by a single logical thought. I just broke every known law in physics. What i did is absolutely and with out a doubt completely impossible. However, here i stood, the only person in the world with the memory of two possible personal futures. The fact that i was able to bend time and the universe as i had just done led to only one possible conclusion.... There is no universe. There is no Sun nor Earth, no loving family, no Lydia, no pregnant ex girlfriend from high school, nothing. With this realization i became quite sad. The entire "universe" was simple all in my head. Everything that i had come to know that was real and true was just a figment of my imagination. Instead of feeling omnipotent power over my surroundings i only felt alone. And that was the end of my dream.
Trippy huh? This is why i don't do drugs. Because i have enough questions of my inner-self and reality to keep me plenty busy enough when i am sober.
Questions and comments always welcome.

A Chinese Adolescents Take on 1+1

2007-08-16T19:51:00.000+08:00

So it’s good ol’ summer intensive time and that means that we have a group of 12 kids twice a week for essentially an entire day. We also take them out to lunch which is kinda cool, kinda fun, kinda exhausting, and kinda pointless all at the same time. On this particular day I was sitting with (keeping an eye on) my table of kids in which one of them I named Mace.
I take pride in giving my kids names and I refuse to ever give out something common or lame. It also allows me to have a little “foreigner fun” because I can label a child something that would completely fly over the head of anyone not savvy with American culture or movies (most all Chinese people). For instance, I have named a boy Hannibal because I thought he was a little shit. The next ADD boy I have will be named Sal for Shut up And Listen.
The boy I sat with during lunch I named Mace. Not short for Mason but rather Mace like the spray because I’d like to use it on him. I’m only joking of course because he is actually not a bad kid at all. “Problem” children are a joke compared to the West and there are not enough RMB, Doichmarks, Euro’s, or Dollars in the world to make me teach in a school in America…sorry mom. So I’m sitting with Mace and they quickly got wind that I could understand and speak a bit of Chinese. I am careful letting kids know about this because as an English teacher teaching in an emersion environment it inadvertently tells the kids, “I don’t have to always try to speak English because Beau Laoshi (teacher) will understand me.
So Mace asks me, after discovering I understand, what is one plus one? Thinking this was some idiotic 11 year old comprehension test I uttered in a semi-retarded tone, “san (three).” He looked quite shocked at my answer and immediately exclaimed, “YES! HAHA, its three! A mamma plus papa equals a baby. 1,2,3 BAM!”
Damn, my plan at proving ignorance to the language completely backfired. Not only did it backfire but I beat him to the punch line of his own joke and thus he believed my Chinese to be excellent.
The next day I ran into his mother outside of class and she say’s, “So my son tells me that your Mandarin is EXCELLENT! I was hoping you could tell me, rabble rabble rabble, blah blah, shenme shenme…. I didn’t catch a word of it. I only stared at her like a deer in headlights as she eagerly awaited my reply to… China’s one China policy? What I knew about wholly foreign owned enterprises? Her son’s performance?…. I had no idea. Damn that little Mace.

Crossing the Streams and Crossing the Street

2007-08-16T19:48:00.000+08:00

Out of the many things you see in today’s China one thing in particular stuck me last night as I was out shopping. Strangely enough I realized that I see a unusual amount of cross-eyed people. And I don’t mean they have a slight deviation. I mean one of those eyes is so turned in that they could probably see what their brain thinking. It occurred to me that there is nearly isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t see someone that is cross-eyed. It makes me think. Is this simply do to the fact that there are more people in China so naturally I am only seeing a higher number not a higher percentage of people effected by this? Or is it do to not being corrected at an early age. I have a cousin that wore those (oh so fashionable) glasses when he was very young to offset such a problem. This also leads me to another conclusion. I need to be more polite. I should think twice before yelling at the next person that knocks into me on the street. “HEY ASS, watch where you’re going!!!… Oh, um sorry you… can’t.”

So... Is It Like My Turn To Drive?

2007-06-25T21:23:00.000+08:00

Today I was in a cab like i am every Monday and Wednesday we teach at our outside location; a preschool called TianLai. It's not too terribly far but even if it were the kids are all so damned adorable it would be worth the trip. Getting a cab there is no problem because our building is in a busy area. Getting a cab back we must take the school bus to a busier location as the school is a bit tucked away. We could walk but the school is located about 300 feet from the minimum distance for getting paid for travel time so we don't care to take longer than absolutely necessary. Plus where the bus takes us is better than where we would walk. Sometimes the bus is filled with cute little kids... so little in fact that they don't yet know you are a foreigner and will speak to you if they are not feeling too shy. The bus however has a strange effect on me due to the power of sense memory. In this case smell. This particular bus smells EXACTLY like the 1985 Chevy that my father drove well past its prime for the entirety of my childhood. The smell can not be described in words. The best I can do is compare it to five year old vomit and M&M's. But the kids are cute so... One three year old little boy even tells me every time "ni dao le." (Your here) ever time we come to the place the driver lets us out.
So we wait on the street as usual and get our taxi with out much of a problem. Half way into our journey he pulls off the road, stops, turns off the car and gets out! Before i could inquire a different man, with his own set of keys, takes his place and off we were again. What the??? That explained why he was on his cell phone earlier in the trip. He had called his colleague to tell him to meet him on the corner to take the car. Turns out that it was the end of his shift. I guess when you are off your off!

My Own Personal Horror Film

2007-06-25T20:43:00.000+08:00

So it seems that art does indeed imitate life. Last night I was leaving work through my usual route. A typical evening on a typical humid day. Thankfully, i had the benefit of growing up in Indiana where it is not unusual to have 90% humidity on a summers day so i don't gripe about it nearly as often as say our friendly neighbors to the north aka Canadians. I make my way down the elevator from the 3rd floor to the parking garage, get all the way to my bike and realize that i left my keys upstairs... again. "How the hell did i do that?", i asked myself. I know that i had them in my hands before i left. So i make my way back across the parking garage to the elevator hop in and BOOM! Two seconds into my journey lights out! The power failed.
I immediately did the "oh shit" face and at that moment the emergency light shorted out. Double shit. It was dark, scary, and humid. Were it anywhere near Christmas time i had half expected at that moment to receive a visit from the Ghost of Christmas Past to show me where exactly i went wrong in life. However i am 3,000 miles away from the nearest Christian county so i pushed the thought quickly out of my head. Instead of blaming Chinese quality control (because it's simply too easy) i began to blame myself. Why in the four months riding this damned contraption did i never take note to see if it had an emergency phone!? But then i began to forgive myself because even if it did have a phone I realized that I don’t know how to stay emergency, stuck, or even its too humid in Chinese! Then i REALLY began to blame myself. Why the hell have i not been studying more?! Grrrr. How can you call for help if you don't even know how to say where you are?
I decided to take matters into my own hands. I had not been in the elevator but only a few seconds before losing power so the likelihood i was in-between floors was small. I pried my fingers through the doors and began to pull them apart. It worked. Indeed I was not yet between floors. I still had about 3 feet of clearance and in fact it was a perfect height to find the latch mechanism to manually disengage the shaft door. Awesome, now for step two.... I cant see a damn thing. Oh yeah, but i do have a cell phone. I pull out my glowing black beauty and slid it open to give myself at least a lightning bugs butt worth of light. I didn't complain though. A quick study of the shaft doors and i found the trip cable which led me to the lever. *Click. Walla. I slid them open and crouched down to slip out below. About this time a thought crossed my mind. Wouldn't it really suck if the power came back on the exact moment i tried to slip out and cut my body in half? I decided that indeed this would not be desirable and i should stop wasting time even considering such a thought and just get the hell out.
I hit the floor of the basement feeling quite proud of myself. Ha, rescuers? I don't need no stinkin rescuers!" I was also very thankful for the hours of youth i had spent at Church bored out of my mind and messing around the inside of the elevator hitting the stop switch and opening the doors to see how it all worked. That and episode 57 of McGuiver.
Now the sight before me, up until that moment, I had thought that was never really possible without a special effects crew. The entire basement lightning system was haywire powering on and off, flickering and the wires were making sounds of mass amounts of electricity flowing through them at dangerous levels. Not only that but the basement is quite large so the power would start going off at one end and make its way down to me as if the darkness was getting closer and closer over and over. Yeah, pretty eerie. So, unlike all the other white people in horror films i didn't stick around to investigate. Plus, i was wearing more than my underwear. When i finally got outside i could see that the whole substructure of the building seemed to be out. I walked back up the stairs and on the third level everything seemed to be fine. In fact is was quite normal. No one had any idea i was stuck in the elevator or that the power went out. It was as if it were all in my head. Which reminds me of the first and last time i tried LSD. But that's another story.

Thanks For Scaring Me For Life Grandpa

2007-06-14T12:40:00.000+08:00

My colleague Shannon (a guy so there is no confusion) from Canada told us this story in the morning and I just had to pass it along.
So, Shannon gets to work a bit early and the doors are not yet unlocked. Two students and the Grandfather of one of them had also arrived early that day and they were all waiting out front together. Seeing that Shannon spoke a bit of Chinese the Grandfather asked a few questions about the class, the upcoming midterm, and his Grandsons general performance. Then for seemingly no reason he pulls out a baggy from his pocket and says to Shannon,

Grandpa: See, it's his underwear. (as he holds it towards Shannon)
Shannon: oh.
Grandpa: He was wearing them today but it's too hot so I told him to take them off.
Boy: I only said it was hot on the bus because there was no A/C.
Grandpa: (ignoring his grandson) Kids these days (he says with an eye of confusion)
Wearing underwear when they know it's so hot out.
(meanwhile the boy who was sitting next to him discretely begins to move away as he
realizes the only thing separating him from the other boys peepee is a thin layer of khaki)

The poor 13 year old was mortified.

Please Excuse Me Whilst I Bang My Head Against The Wall

2007-06-14T12:10:00.000+08:00

I would like to share with you all an insight into the Chinese way of thinking. This is the kind of thing I deal with on a daily basis. Allow me to paint the picture.
So, I am at a local University with a bunch of the TA's (teachers assistant) from work visiting another TA (Jason) where he attends school. Jason is hilarious and i always enjoy visiting him. What makes him so funny is that he is not even trying to be funny. You see, Jason's hobby is truly learning English but he gets very bored with just knowing straight forward expressions and goes through great lengths to learn American slang. He watches movies constantly and unlike other Chinese he is not afraid to try what he has learned. He is the only Chinese person i know that will exclaim "Oh, fucka my ass man! " as a greeting for someone he has not seen in awhile and is happy to see.
It was a beautiful day and we filled it with tennis (i suck btw), basketball (which i still don't like because of the sense memory of all the black kids beating me up as a child), dinner, pool (i'm getting better!), and ice-cream. Indeed a full day.
So, during this day I turned to my colleague Vera and asked her;

me: How old is Jason?
Vera: The same age as Oscar.
me: oh, well how old is Oscar?
Vera: I don't know.
me: ...
me: ...

And that about sums it up right there.

Father Time, Thou Art So Cruel?

2007-05-23T14:05:00.000+08:00

The other night I was out enjoying the beautiful weather and a cold beer with Scott and Shannon. Summer is my favorite month and to me there is nothing better than a relaxed summer night and sipping a cold beer with some compadres. A couple of foreign girls were doing the same and struck up a conversation with us as they were relatively new in town. See, that is just what you do in China. You see a foreigner and usually the first question is, “Hey, where are you from?” followed directly by “What brings you here?” and then everyone answers in unison “Teaching English.” They were teaching at a wealthy boarding school 45 minutes north of Ningbo however, they were not even getting paid and instead were doing some volunteer program through their church but, more on that later. Being that they were volunteers they had a lot of strict rules and had actually snuck down to the “city” for some R&R. Their names were Jazz and Utah. Very cool names I thought so I still remember them which is quite rare for me. Actually, Utah was not here real name. It was only what I had dubbed here for the evening as it was where she was from. I don’t remember her real name as I thought Utah was super cool for a girls name and thus opted to call here that the whole time. Jazz was ironically NOT from Utah and instead from Canada. But I digress. Lately I have been doing a lot of Rocky Balboa impersonations (especially but not limited to when drinking) as I just saw Rocky Balboa last week. So, I’m doing my Rocky and us guys are all laughing but the girls look amused yet confused. So I say:

Me: You know from Rocky…
Utah/Jazz: What?
Me: The movie Rocky… from the 80’s?
Utah/Jazz: …
Me: You know, Sylvester Stallone…?
Utah/Jazz: Oh, is he the guy that… no, wait. Who?

Holly Friggin’ A. I was completely dumbfounded. Turns out these chicks were only 19 years old. I was so depressed! How do you not know Rocky? How do you not know Sylvester Stallone!? It’s like I was hurt inside. I decided to bottle up my hurt and not jump to the conclusion that I was just getting old and instead decided to deduce that the reason they know nothing is not only because they 19 but also, as it turns out, Mormons! I knew there was something wrong with those girls. Humph!

Bang, Bang, Hammer, Bang, Crash, More Bang

2007-05-16T10:48:00.000+08:00

Okay China. I’m sure its really important for your “development” and all but this endless construction outside of my apartment has gots to stop. A playa’z gotta sleep! I can’t get no rest up in here.
So every day this past week I have been awakened at 6am to the sound of sledge hammers, chisels, and large piece of falling concrete. Apparently they are ripping up the street… again. Its amazing how the sound never stops too. Its not like they are using power tools. Why use tools when you have an endless supply of slave ameh, cheap labor? Seriously, its like 15 guys just hammering away non stop. There is not one second the sounds stops from the time I am awakened to the time I decide I cant take it any longer and leave to go to my haven McDonalds or something. Twice a week I am awakened by my upstairs neighbors having sex at six in the morning. But I think the joke is on them though because it never lasts long and it only seems to be one speed. Rabbit. Hey, they got to 1.3 billion somehow, right? Weeks prior I was awakened at an asinine hour be the sound of my neighbor next to me ripping out her entire bathroom because the pipes were bad or something. On my friendly enquiry to here of “when the fuck are you going to be done?” Her friendly response was, “three days.”
I don’t even know what they are doing. The street was fine. Just like the sidewalk down the street was fine. I honestly think its just busy work or something. So they can give a mass force of labor something to do. In the two months I have lived here they have replaced the sidewalk down the street THREE times. On the plus side the sidewalks and streets are always nice and smooth but on the down side I have to listen to them pound it smooth every time. And closing the door or shutting the window is about as effective as raising an 8 ½ by 11 sheet of legal white to block your face while someone yells at you. See, China has not quite discovered the miracle of insulation as of yet. Sometimes you will get up at night to close the window because of a draft only to your horror to realize that the window is already shut.
So I’m up now. As I was up the day before and the day before that. However, perhaps I should be thankful. I am awake. I am up and ready to take on the day. To do something. I wont sleep it away just because I can. So perhaps today instead of yelling at the peasant construction workers as I pass by 你的妈妈比臭豆腐很臭！(your mother smells worse than stinky tofu) I will instead say, thank you. Thank you for getting me up to enjoy this lovely day. My god, is beau danner learning patience!? Hard to believe that I could be brought out of my wicked ways… but this country has a way of doing that.
Off to greet the peasants.

Oh The Humanity

2007-05-06T22:44:00.000+08:00

Came home tonight from a bike ride to find all kinds of police on my street. It's a strange sight in a country that forbids firearms to see men walking on the street with guns. As I approached my apartment i then saw the reason they had all gathered. A man in the apartment across from mine had decided to take his own life and had jumped from the top floor of the apartment building 7 stories up. He was still laying there as it seemed to have happened recently. It was a gruesome sight. His face had burst open and he laid in a pool of his own blood. His body was completely contorted and his legs seemed to face the opposite direction and his feet faced backward. The fact that i had just eaten McDonalds made matters worse. I thought i was going to throw up then and there. As they reached down to pull him onto the stretcher the sight actually got worse. I could not believe my eyes and ears. Unfortunately the poor mans attempt had failed. He was still alive. He began to gargle, weakly choking on his own blood as his collapsed lungs instinctively struggled for breath. I spoke to the neighbors and they knew only what I saw. That he jumped. They did not know why except for the reason to end his life. I had never seen such a sight up close and personal before. I hope i never have to see it again. Sorry for sharing this with you all now. I just had no one to tell so my only outlet was to express my feelings through my blog.

Just Stay Away From My Special Lady Friend!

2007-05-05T21:51:00.000+08:00

So last week I learned the hard way what "Mandarin Machismo" is just all about. Don't worry. Nothing escalated to violence. The Chinese are way too indirect for that. In fact i have never once seen a fist fight. A lot of yelling yes... but never any physical contact.
So i was out at ze diskotek with two of my work colleagues (Vera and Judy) and wanted to show them a good time drinking a little and dancing a little. They make such little money that they usually never go out and drink. So it was my little attempt at a treat. I had been to this club (called Armani and its conveniently located just a few floors below work!) once before. I had just stopped in to see what all the thumping was about and ended up staying hours drinking with the locals that kept buying me drinks simply on the fact that i was a foreigner trying to speak Chinese. So, I’m there with my two colleagues and same thing happens. After a little time the locals begin to chat me up and the drinks start flowing. This is when the "trouble" started. I was chatting along and then began chatting with their girls. It was completely innocent and it was not even me that started the conversation. I mean, i arrived with two girls so what could be the possible threat. The guys took note of this and the drinking dice games started. They began giving me shots (whiskey and green tea is the preferred mix) left and right whether i won or not. And it was not that jolly, "here, have another drink my "new interesting strange accented friend" kind of cheers either. It was more of a "I’m going to make you wish you never walked in here" kind of toast. I could see it in their eyes. They did not like me... and they were going to kill me with kindness... or in this case, shots of whiskey and green tea. About that time i was trying to very politely excuse myself and get the hell out of there. So what do my friends do of course? What all ladies do... go to the bathroom... together. Thus, leaving me completely alone. This is when they physically forced me to sit down and "join them" as 1-2-3-4-5 more shots where thrust into my hands in a span of 3 minutes.
Now, i have been to college. Ball State no less... voted the #1 party slash drinking school in the district back in '01, thank you very much. So i knew my body. And i knew that in about 10 minutes i was going to be quite sick and in even more pain the next day. My friends returned from the bathroom and i forced myself through them toward the exit and gave my friends the "get me the hell out of here look." I stumbled to the door in an exaggerated fashion so that the good ol' Chinese fellows might feel better about themselves that they "beat the American." I did this consciously as i feared walking too straight might aggravate them enough to keep me there.
Soon as i got outside i pulled the ol' double agent maneuver and stuck my finger down my throat to expel the copious amount of alcohol before it could hit my blood stream. See, secret agents must allow themselves at times to ingest poisons at times or else blow their cover.... then they get the heck outa dodge and try and touch their lower intestine with their index finger. Worked like a charm too! I felt great afterward and probably could have even driven home. I learned it from some spy movie with brad pitt :)
My colleagues even felt so bad for me they walked me home and slept over... score! I learned something else that can happen with a guy and two girls in a movie once.... thanks dad's closet. But alas, i slept in my bedroom and they slept in the spare. hehe
So, lesson learned. Be very careful when talking to the ladies. It does not matter who started it. Their boyfriend will finish it.

Its Like I'm In a Time Machine... Only They're Speaking Chinese

2007-04-24T21:03:00.000+08:00

TV really sucks here. Its like every bad television show in the 80's reborn. Not the good ones either like ALF or Growing Pains. I mean like Simon and Simon, Mr. Belvedere, and the short lived Small Wonder. Actually, even those had a sense of production value.

You Know What I Miss About America the Most?

2007-04-24T20:44:00.000+08:00

Personality.

An Assessment of Chinese Cuisine: By Dr. Danner

2007-04-22T22:39:00.000+08:00

If you could go to a Chinese restaurant every day, would you? More than likely not. I wouldn’t either. See the trouble though is that I live in CHINA. Therefore all food is a Chinese restaurant. And its not the spiced up Westernized “where is my fortune cookie after a hearty meal” type either. Due to my overwhelming exposure to this Asian cuisine I have me a little theory that I would like to share with you all. The theory is this; In 50 years I will be VERY surprised if China is not the fattest country in the world. Yes, ladies and gentlemen. That would put the good ol’ U.S. of A at a distant second. The reason? Simple. Chinese cuisine is the fattest thing I have come across to date. When I want to take a break and eat healthy I go to McDonalds! For serious.
Every single dish is smothered in so much oil it makes fossil fuels jealous. They don’t cut the fat off their meat at they fry all of their veggies. I mean all. They fry them to the point they really have no nutritional value. I even saw a dish last month that was deep friend fat. DEEP FRIED FAT! On purpose! It was an actual dish!
Now you may be thinking the obvious right now. “But Beau, I don’t ever see fat Chinese people!” True. However, I have a retort for that as well. The food is indeed terribly unhealthy. However Chinese people can not yet afford to buy MORE of it. So in a sense they are just skinny by default.
I have been trying my absolute best to eat better the past week, especially after beginning to see the effects it has been having on me. I’ve Been buying a lot of fresh fruit and avoiding oils at all costs. I even learned the Chinese word for MSG so that I can try to be sure to avoid it when possible. I have literally been sick (a cold) for 2 straight months now. Coughing and hacking everywhere. I think its totally disgusting when men and women alike hawk luggies anywhere they please (including on the street, inside restaurants, or even in a building perhaps in the elevator.) At first I thought it was just ridiculous to be so inconsiderate. What the hell makes you have to spit so much!? Well, my friends the reason is simple. It is not learned social norms or even genetics. Its simply the food… Cause now even I spit everywhere because the build up of flem overwhelms my throat to the point it can only be expelled.
When I visited Singapore back in 2000 (before I knew jack crack about anything remotely Asian) I thought it was a bit over the top to post signs such as, No Smoking, No Chewing Gum, and No Spitting. I thought, “damn, that’s strict.” Uh, no. It was just colonized by Chinese people and they knew that if they were going to keep people from slipping all over the street on their little saliva coated island they had best make a rule.
I even have a discount card at Micky D’s. I know…I’m embarrassed too.

What I Be Doin’At Work

2007-04-12T20:22:00.000+08:00

Okay, so I have had some requests to hear more about my joby job. So let me give you all the 411. Or, as we say in China 114. Seriously, they dial 114. See, everything is backwards in China. Their numbers their thinking…
I work at Shane English School. They started like 30 years ago in Japan and now have locations in (insert locations here). I forget but they have offices in Japan, Taiwan, all over China and maybe Korean. I don’t know. I really lucked out. To think that my dumb white ass was just going to fly to china and look for a job! Thank you mother for your omnipotent insight. I got my flight over here paid for, a week of paid training in Shanghai (boo-yah!), medical insurance for when a cab runs over my foot, a medical check up, (turns out my syphilis is all cleared up!……..joke), an apartment scouted out for me so I had a place ready to live, and tons of teaching resources and materials. It really is great and I am a very lucky little white boy.
I teach about 15 hours a week. Most of my classes are what we call CP01 level. Kids 4-6 years old but I am the exception as I am the newest guy in the school and those classes just needed to be filled. The other teachers have more variety of kids ages ranging from 4-15 years old. Everything is broken down into ages and levels.
CP 3-4
CK 5-6
CL 7-9
CH 10-12
CJ 13-15
Then there are levels of. CP,CK, and CL I think go up to level 04. That means they are the same age but in a more advanced class. CH goes up to level 06 I think and CJ to level 07
On average my classes are around 12 kids. Sometimes a bit less and sometimes a tiny bit more. Our school places emphasis on a “full English emersion” style of learning. I lead the class and I have a TA (teachers assistant) that assists me, keeps the kids organized, and uses Chinese only when very necessary. Its not always easy at times but the kids do NOT have discipline problems like back in the states… thank god. I could maybe compare the rules of discipline to that of the public school system in the early 80’s in America. Its okay to hug the kids that really like you, give high fives (they LOVE them but you literally have to TEACH them how to do it because high-fives is not something they DO in China.) You never have to spank a kid. One, its not all that appropriate to lose your cool and two its never necessary. I have grabbed kids for getting a wee bit too excited and punching teacher in the balls but that is really it. Haha. Yeah, and I have gotten into the habit of calling myself Teacher in the third person. Teacher’s hungry. Teacher needs some coffee, Teacher’s needs a drink etc…
So the beginning level kids get the simplest English you can get away with. We are teaching things like ROYGBIV, it’s a car, train, bus, doll, bear, sandwich… etc. Hello, how are you? I’m fine, thank you. And you? My name’s ___. How old are you? Stuff like that. The difficulty increases exponentially as you move up the latter in English ability at the school until you have a class full of adolescents (CJ07’s) reading a really complex text book while you lead a class discussion about what they think the future will be like in 50-100-500 years. Seriously. Hehe. it’s the in between that’s REALLY difficult and complex. Teaching English you realize how flippin HARD it is. Ask a kid “how old are you?” sometimes they reply “I’m fine thank you, and you?” How are you and How OLD are you sound really similar to them. Sometimes they don’t reply. Sometimes they just repeat the question and sometimes they just stare at you cross-eyed.
My favorite level is also probably hands down the most challenging. Its CL01 (7-11 years old). On the plus side they really bond to you and they really appreciate my silliness and humor. They are not old enough yet to be “too cool for school” and not so young that they are utterly terrified of being separated from their mother. However they can get restless fast so you have to really be on your toes and keep things fun and interesting with games and drawings on the board.
This is school on top of MORE school for the kids. They go to regular school during the week and then come in once a week for 16 weeks (I think one level lasts 16 weeks…yikes I should know this stuff! Hehe) I will have during the week maybe one class at night but Saturday and Sunday are filled with classes. I even have an on location class where I go to a school and teach on Mondays and Wednesdays. One CP level and one CK level for only 30 minutes each. Its like 30 kids in a class room but loads of fun because they are all such great kids.
There is much more but that kind of gives you an idea of what I do one the daily. Don’t forget to leave comments so that I can answer any questions promptly. Feel free to request blogs as well on something you want to know more specifics about.
Love You All --- Beau

The Difference Between a CHINESE and a WESTERN Bathroom Attendant.

2007-04-12T20:08:00.000+08:00

So I was at ze discothèque with my pals Scott and Shannon when the wonderful diuretic qualities of beer beckoned me to the cesuo (bathroom). On my way up Shannon was returning and looked at me with a big teasing grin and said, “have fun” as he gave me a pat on the back and continued in the opposite direction. Not thinking much of it, I continued on my merry way. So I’m doing my thing and near the sink I see a bathroom attendant. I really dislike bathroom attendants in America because I just think it’s a strange and outdated concept. A terrible job for a man that got stuck doing nothing else. I feel sorry for the guy and I don’t like feeling obligated to give him money. So, I’m in the bathroom and I get the “hello” for Mr. Attendant. Now It must be noted that in china you sometimes have to be conservative with your full faced smile hello’s because sometimes it does NOT just mean hello. It means, “sure come over and talk with me as I hold my penis.” Being that I had had a few drinks, was feeling jolly, and shaking off anyway I gave my “well hello there” ala Ace Venture’s Jim Carey. At the sink, before I could protest, he placed a hot towel over my neck and began to massage me! I tried to politely object but four seconds into it I realized that, “man, this feels really good.” I felt a bit silly but I could not argue with the fact that I had been stressed out lately and he was eagerly kneading the knots out of my back. So this went on for 1..2..3..4 minutes down my back, up my neck and with the hot towel, I was in toilet heaven. I could not help giggling to myself as this went on thinking of Shannon’s smiling face as I unknowingly approached what he had just undoubtedly experienced or tried to run away from. In the end I uttered my 10,000 xiexie’s (thank you’s) slapped down 10 yuan (10/7.8 = $1.28 what seemed to be the standard from viewing the tip jar) and laughed out loud as I went back to our table to see Scott and Shannon trying to hold back their tears from laughing so hard.
I thought this was a specialty of just that bar…but oh no. As we continued our pub crawl an hour or so later I again was going to the bathroom of another establishment when on the way Scott was exiting smiling and said, “Have fun!” Obviously this was just a joke, I thought, and lightening like that would surely not strike twice in the same night. Sooooooo I’m in the bathroom holdin’ me dick, half way into my stream, and all the sudden out of the shadows I feel a hot towel on the back of my neck and I hear a hello. “Hel-looooooooooooooo,” was my response because immediately after placing the hot towel he takes my chin in one hand, crown of my scull in the other, and twits chiropractic style as my neck pops in 57 separate places! HOLY CRAP THAT FELT GOOD! Then he starts working my neck, and shoulders and all the way down my spine. A full two minutes pass when I realized that I was still holding my pee-pee. I zip up and make my way to the sink as he follows me. Now working my lower back. “Man this guy is a pro!“ I thought to myself. I throw down my 10 yuan, utter a xie xie (thank you) and he says, “Deng yixia.”(hold on a moment). Places my arms around my chest, picks me up, and pops my back in 116 places. “Holy shit”! I think as I reach into my wallet and put down another 5 yuan.
“Where have you been? Couldn’t escape?” were Shannon and Scott’s greeting. “Men, laugh all you like. That felt awesome and I cant wait till I have to go pee again!

Lessons Learned From A Squat Toilet

2007-04-12T20:07:00.001+08:00

I did it. I finally did it! After nearly 7 weeks I used a squat toilet to do the number two. I had been putting it off for a bit and amazingly the call of nature held at bay nearly every time I was away from home. In fact, now that I think of it, that was the first time I had poo’ed away from my Western toilet having home! Go me. I have to say that it was not half bad! Squatting in that position really aligns your plumbing in a way that things just come out nicely. A quick tip though. Be sure to through your tie around your back least you get it wet while doing what usually accompanies the #2. And it would be quite embarrassing to return to work with a tie wet at the tip. No one will really believe that it fell in the sink because despite China’s lower quality drinking water it is indeed not yellow nor does is smell of pee.
So in conclusion… I did it. And I’ll do it again I’m sure. It wasn’t half bad. Now if China can just start using U-bends in their plumbing like the rest of the western world their bathrooms will not all smell like rank nasty piss. :) Toodles

My Third Bicycle... In One Month

2007-04-12T20:05:00.000+08:00

Okay, so I am on bike number 3. So shoot me! I have to say that bike riding has become a bit of a hobby. And I am beginning to develop the thighs to prove it! Hehe. So the other week I went to the bike shop because my rear tired was literally wobbling. I thought that it was possible I only needed my spokes adjusted but indeed the rim was bent. I asked how much this would cost to replace and they assured me it was not terribly expensive. Indeed as it was only around 88 Yuan (88/7.8= $11.28). They told me that I had been riding the bike too hard. Guilty as charged when I recollected at all the things I had jumped or attempted to jump on the way to the shop alone. This was a cheaper bike not intended for such extreme sports riding as seen on MTV. So I thought I had better buy heavy duty rims to support my appetite for being airborne. I told them in as much chinglish as possible that I will replace my rim every week if we just replace it. So I think I should upgrade to something a bit more sturdy. They agreed but reminded me it would be a bit more than 88 yuan. “How much, I asked?” Well for the least expensive better quality rim it was around 300 plus 70 for a new spindle thingy (the thing that attaches to all the spokes and the frame) times 2 for front and rear tires. Grand total of around 740 (740/7.8= $94.87). Riiiight.
For that money I could nearly buy my bike again. So I decided to just upgrade. This new one is Purdy sweet and the frame supports the option of upgrades like disc brakes! Dangerous I know. So now, my bike has cost me around the same price as my first car Frankie in Los Angeles. Only, I’m in China… and it’s a bicycle. Before you panic, be reminded that dear old Frankie cost me a mere $250. R.I.P Frankie. You are missed.

censorship: the red book definition

2007-04-01T15:46:00.000+08:00

So I was in the mood for a movie the other day and decided to spring the cash. Of all the leisure things to do in China going to a legit theater to catch a flick does not make the top 100 of cheap things to do. I had been wanting to see Babel for quite some time and as luck would have it, it was still playing. Of course i made the mistake however of choosing to watch this movie in CHINA! The entire premise of course revolves around not being able to understand through language barriers. A fascinating story really. But as most know 70% of it is in... not English with friendly little subtitles. However, English subtitles are quite useless to Chinese here in China. My poor friend Judy had to translate nearly the ENTIRE film for me on the fly. Luckily, we were only 2 of the 4 people in the theater.
While watching this movie something interesting happened. I could tell that the movie had been cut! At first i thought it was just an error in the film reel. But when it happened a second, third, and fourth time, i knew. During the movie apparently there are some scenes where the Japanese girl is wearing a bit less than the CCCP deems "appropriate."

Me: did you see that?
Judy: what?
Me: This film... its been cut.
Judy: what? how can you tell? Have you seen this before?
Me: No, but a second ago we were in the Japanese girls apartment and now we are in the desert. Judy:...
Me: didn't you hear the film track skip?
Judy:... no.

Being that China is the motherland of "great and not so great quality knock off... anything" they are quite accustomed to glitches here and there so it never registers to them when something has been modified. A fact i found fascinating.
Before you sit there and think to yourself, "well, that is communism for you!" consider this. For years Blockbuster (founded by a Mormon) did the EXACT same thing with every single rental on its shelves. In fact it was part of their distribution contract. If you want us (the biggest flippin rental house ever) to stock your movie for home rental WE get to make sure it is "suitable."
Stay tuned for my next update to find out why Beau is on bike #3!

at last, we ride!

2007-03-30T13:01:00.000+08:00

Finally. I have been trying to get my buddies to buy bikes for the past couple of weeks and yesterday it finally happened!
Not wanting to be limited in Ningbo I bought a bike almost immediately upon arrival. It was a sweet little fold up bike. Tiny little thing and fun as hell. Well, it did not really fold up as much as it kind of collapsed. I spent a full 30 minutes bartering for it and busted out almost ALL of the Chinese I knew in the process. I honestly have never had so much fun bartering. I usually find it to be an annoying process. I was able to talk her down from 600 something to 470 kuai. That comes to exactly 60 dollars and 25 cents using the handy currency converter on my sweet new cell phone. It will also calculate my menstrual cycle and it will do Karaoke. Seriously.
Anywho, that fun little bike lasted exactly 8 days. Don't decide to go drinking with your friends and throw your bike in the trunk of a cab bar hopping. You just may forget your bike is still in the trunk.
So, bike number two is a decent Giant mountain bike. Giant seems to have a monopoly here in China as the only American import. This time there would be NO bartering as the prices are set. However i managed to get him to throw in a lock, so that was cool.
So, there i was alone with my bike for weeks. Scott and Shannon (the other teachers i work with) were holding off for better weather and some misc other reasons on buying one.
So, yesterday Scott and Shannon FINALLY buckled under my peer pressure and headed to the Giant store. They got 2 sweet mountain bikes much like my own and we set off for our first ride. We must have went 15 miles to and fro! It was awesome. We hit the very outskirt of Ningbo and came across a tiny little... I’ll call it eatery next to a convenience slash variety store. Both just cement floors and open like garages. Outside was a raggedy pool table on a bit of a hill and we thought that was awesome. We originally stopped for a game but decided we were a bit hungry and just sat down and talked for an hour. It was a beautiful moment. We sat there and had our fill of two dishes. Eggs and green peppers and eggs and chicken. Both mostly green peppers. Oh and of course we each got a liter of 2 kuai beer. Yes, that is 25 cents.
The people are really friendly in the outskirts. Seeing a foreigner is really rare. We got a lot of smiles and “hello’s.” The eatery had a young woman there with here 8 month old baby. I’m just guessing 8 months. I’m no good at baby ages. She would look over at us and smile a lot and take her baby’s hand and wave. I could see they were all interested in our bikes so I went over and lowered the seat for here and told her to take a spin.
Even in the outskirts of Ningbo there is obvious development about to happen. We were all sure these people would be displaced like the many others to make way for “the new china.” A huge project picture of a soccer stadium was just on the other side of the street and all around the area was the rubble of old torn down buildings to make room for new housing, shops, sky rises… anything. In a few years our friendly place will be gone with its residents pushed even farther outside of Ningbo.
Too bad I forgot my camera for our impromptu ride.

boy, where you been!?

2007-03-27T13:56:00.000+08:00

Well, I’m at home with a bit of a cold and its my day off. What better day then to finally give my family the long awaited update. Wow, I really let this go too long! Just yesterday I was having tea with a friend and realized that I had been in China exactly one month!
I apologize that my emails (this one especially) will not be near as good as a read or humorous as Bree’s “Live From South Africa.” I am playing mostly catch up in this addition of “What Ever Became of Beau Danner?”
Unfortunately, China is NOT the technology capital of Asia. Its simply far too big. So internet access has been a bit of a disappointment and that is the understatement of the century. No, for amazing tech one would have to go to Japan or especially these days, Korea. I read last week that Korea plans to have the majority of computers running on 100 MB/Sec internet speeds by 2010. Currently 95% run around 25 MB/sec… which is damn fast considering that the average speed in the States is 1.5 or 3.0 if your lucky. Sometimes my internet connection is SO slow that my computer thinks it does not have one and gives me an error message when say, I try to upload my email. However, I know that this is not true as I am surfing the web at the time. Currently I am trying to download an episode of my beloved Battlestar Galactica. A friend at work tuned me on to the show last week and I am completely addicted! Its not even funny. It also makes me miss acting so much and when an episode is especially good I’m depressed for a few hours because I am not on the show. I’m trying to download one of the episodes because one of the DVD’s he loaned me freezes and I can not continue the series. Current ETA to download? 65 hours. So, when I DO have internet its slow but it works so…
But I digress! No one wants to hear about my fanatic love for a silly TV show. How the hell is China Beau!? In short, its awful and I want to come home. HA, just kidding. I could not be happier and things have been going amazingly well. Seriously, everything that could have gone wrong didn’t! Things have been remarkably easy. Well, mostly. I have discovered that my body seems to put out a strange energy that fouls up any and all electronics that require computing skill. This has been frustrating. My brand new laptop that I bought to keep in touch with family before leaving the US of A already has mega issues. It does not want to recognize the CD drive…. Ever. Its like it does not exist. It freezes constantly and I always have to shut it down. I tell you this as a bit of an excuse as to my delay in contact. Combined with my internet connection it was just enough to get me out of the habit of being on the internet AT ALL and thus I don’t think about it nearly as often as I once did. I also bought a sweet new cell phone here a week ago but they are not required to insulate their electronics as the American FCC requires… thus my “body energy” has already required it to be replaced… twice. It keeps telling me to insert a SIM card 10 seconds into a call and will quit working. Oh, and I have to have this new one replaced tomorrow as it has the same problem. So, make it 3 times… in one week… its beyond frustrating. I am not joking when I say that I truly believe it is just “me.”
Again, I digress. BEAU, TELL ME ABOUT CHINA FOR GOODNESS SAKE!
Okay, I first arrived in Shanghai for a week of training. Shanghai is a BLAST. Such an awesome city and it’s a great way for a foreigner to be introduced to china slowly. So you don’t freak out. Cause you can really do that here. Freak out that is. Shanghai is amazing and beautiful. I loved it so much more the second time for some strange reason. The layout of the streets is easy and comprehensive enough and the best part is that they have a nice subway system! Oh, a must for any city of worth. I have come to love the subway more than…. Well, Battlestar Galactica! Its makes for such easy getting around and it encourages you to get out an explore. You are never far from home when you know where a subway stop is or get lost and have to find one. Very handy indeed when say, everything happens to be in some strange boxy language with….. No alphabet!? Are they mad?
So my first week in China/Shanghai was amazing! I arrived full of energy excitement and ready to take on this tonal nightmare of a language. I loved going exploring on my own which is something that I never thought I would discover about myself. I truly preferred to be alone and just getting by with the Chinese I knew. I would leave my hotel room (ahem, closet) and just walk. When I got hungry I would hop into a little dive (my favorite places to eat!) and get some chow. All the time enjoying there confusion of why a Waiguoren ( pronounced why-guo-ren; foreigner) walking into their shop on purpose and why is he speaking to me in Chinese! Striking up a conversation with the locals in a divvy place is one of my favorite things to do. They always ask the same questions and you have the answers in your back pocket. So its great practice for high frequency Chinese. The questions are like: How do you speak Chinese, how long have you been studying, why are you here, and have you tried dog yet its excellent top the charts.
I made friends fast in Shanghai. I was delighted and star struck to go to Chinesepod headquarters. Quick breakdown on Chinesepod. They are daily podcasts in learning Mandarin Chinese and I have listened to their broadcasts nearly since the beginning of their company a year and a half ago. Oh, and they are based out of Shanghai. So I sent them an email telling of my move to China and wanted to buy their staff a drink or 7. I got a reply from one of the interns and I visited their office. They even let me be on one of their shows! I was totally geeked! I’ll get a link for you all if you would like to hear it.
So the time came to say goodbye to Shanghai and hello to Ningbo. Needless to say I peaked a bit too early in Shanghai and the reality of being in China began to kick in. Apparently Shanghai had been hit with a freak heat wave the week I was there and for the life of me I could not figure out why, despite being more south of Shanghai it was cold as balls in Ningbo!
So, there I was in Ningbo. I had no friends, I did not know my way around, it’s a bit less impressive architecturally speaking, I started a full day of teaching almost right away, and I had no hot water for 3 days in my new apartment, and NO subway L I was… less than happy.
My heart goes out fully to my mother for enduring the role of “teacher” for so many years. The first class of kids I faced was unbelievably stressful! 14 young minds all looking at me waiting to be molded. Thank god china’s educational system does not have the discipline problems America does. I would freak out and wail on a kid. Its very humbling to see all of these children learning English. Some of them are damn good too. This is a problem. I feel a bit like I’m aiding the enemy or something! Haha. Does no one else see a problem with 300,000,000 Chinese learning English? How many people do YOU know learning Chinese? 300 million? That’s the population of all of America people. They for sure have a head start. I agree though. Their language is impossible. ;)
So, things were rough for me in the beginning. I really enjoy my place now but at first I really loathed it. Especially once I saw how beautiful the apartment one of the other teachers got hooked up with. But one should never compare. it’s the surest way to pure misery. Someone somewhere will always have better than you.
Oh, funny fact. There reason I did not have hot water for 3 days is because most places (if you are even lucky enough to have hot water) run on natural gas. Yes, the same tanks you use for your BBQ only a bit bigger. So, in the beginning my gas tanks for cooking and shower were empty. You have to call and have someone deliver a tank to you. This takes only minutes… if you speak Chinese well enough and know your address. I knew neither. The school thankfully handled this for me. All I had to do was be home when the little Chinese man arrived with the tank strapped to his back. He charges depending on what floor you live on by the way because its an extra flight he has to walk up carrying that damned tank! Haha
So I finally got the gas but then how do I work it? All the instructions were in Chinese! After much trial and deliberation a Chinese colleague from my school came over to help me. Turns out the contraption that heats the water was out of batteries so could not generate a spark to ignite the gas. And ignite it does! I gotta tell you people. Its better than western water heaters! You open the gas valve, (if you bother to tighten it off… sometimes I don’t) turn on the water and the water leads up to the burner. The flow of the water automatically triggers the sparker and WHOOMPH! The “furnace” kicks in. Scalding hot water in 15 seconds and that baby don’t run out so long as you got gas and fire. It’s a good thing I never had such a contraption as a kid as I already had a problem getting to school on time for falling asleep in the shower in the morning! If mom didn’t wake me up the hot water literally running out would. Hehe
I have come to really enjoy Ningbo in the 3 weeks I have been here. Sure there is no subway but it has a lot to offer and the people here are SO friendly. Smaller town equals friendly people world wide as it turns out. Ningbo does not have the blatant charm of the city streets that Shanghai does but they de exist. Just harder to find. However that makes finding your favorite hole on the wall restaurant that much better when you do find it… cause it took a little effort J . in fact I am craving dumplings and beef noodle soup from one place in particular as I write this. OH, and food in china is stupid cheap. I can get dumplings, soup, and be full for 75 cents American. Add a beer? 25 cents extra. Awesome. It makes making such a low salary (comparatively speaking to what I have been paid in the states.) possible and bearable. I have to be careful with my money however as I must return to the states someday! That requires a nest egg of savings.
Interesting fact of Ningbo number 2. Its one of the cleanest cities in China. And its for a reason. Ningbo has outlawed all gas powered anything that is not a bus or a car. Most of you know that scooters here are the preferred mode of transportation. Wow, there are a lot. So what do they do? They have electric scooters. They are sweet! And fast too! Most cost less than $200 USD to boot. Its seriously a great idea to be triple careful crossing the street at night. They are fast, silent and many Chinese run without the headlight as so save battery power.
Fun fact of Ningbo #3. Ningbo just so happens to be the self proclaimed textile capital of China. Textile means fabric for all you momo’s like me out there. They take fashion very seriously out here. I know, a bit of an oxymoron I know. Chinese and fashion!? But its true! I have never seen so many cool outfits and men and women alike! Many times I have wanted to snap a picture of a gang of trendy Chinese rockers hanging out on a corner smoking cigarettes. But China is also the birthplace of a little thing called Kung-Fu and I don’t want to get my ass kicked by China’s version of a hair band. Once I can sneak a pic however I’ll be sure to post it. I bought the sweetest jacket too that I cant wait for you all to see. Its seriously dope.
Okay, I seriously have to be done for now. I have to get in the habit of creating short updates more often and not long winded novels that people are too scared to read.
Love You All,
Beau